Grace

Didn’t realize until now that God protected me today. A patient went bizard today, he almost jumped on the doctor and my assistant during examination. I was hooking up another patient coming back from xray on the other side of the examination room while the doctor went to see this patient who I previously triaged. He was stable emotionally and cooperative when I examined him, and I set him up to get ready for the doctor to see him. I was on the other side making sure this low blood pressure patient (60s/30s!! when first came in…) was back on the monitor and all his lines were running, and all of a sudden I heard my assistant saying “stop doing that now!” and the doctor said “@#$%^& Get out of here! #$%^&” a hard hit on the table and a call to the security for immediate assistance… I was puzzled, but felt unusual with nervousness. Once I made sure my patient was ok, I quickly walked over and saw my assistant standing in a corner and the doctor banging his fist on the table very very angry, and no patient in site!

By this time security already arrived and chased down the door, who later came back for the name to put it in record. For a brief moment the two of them were still upset, especially the doctor was out of his style element. I was glad that nobody got hurt and the other patient was safe. I was a little frightened even though I didn’t witnessed the process, I guessed it’s also because everyone was so upset. The doctor did apologize for being mad, which is very unlike any doctor because most of them do not apologize period. I told him I was glad that you guys didn’t get hurt, and that’s what matter! Later he told me that it’s God’s grace that I work there, that’s why he called me Grace. He was calling me that earlier today, and I didn’t know why and said that he worked too hard. Now I think it’s His grace that we’re safe, from harm’s way. He watches over me, protects me even without me realizing it.

My first code

People who knew me know that I have been complaining about my new job, being so boring even though is at the ICU. They have regular medical patients rather than “true” ICU patient, and we only need to take care 1-2 and 3 at most at a time. Remember my first job, I had in average 6-8 patients in any given day with almost the same “sick” patients I am having right now. I am not officially staff, still orienting, so I do not “really” have my own patient theoretically. My orienter does give me patient(s) to take care by myself and I’ll just let he/she knows if I needed help.

Today is one of those uneventful days nothing much happened. “My” patient was tranfered before noon to a regular floor and so I ended up just learning a bit more on charting. My preceptor has, I should say “had”, a patient with high blood pressure and psychosis. He was restless most of the day, more than before. Anyway, I noticed his blood pressure was getting higher and higher throughout the day, so I suggested that we need to check with the doctor after we gave some powerful medicine with no avail. My preceptor planned to leave early, since all we have was just this one patient, reluctantly paged the doctors and got more orders on more medicine. It did not help at all, but it was toward the end of the shift and so she left! I was worried, worried about the situation on the patient not getting better. I was noting the time for the medication to work, instead more things went even more unsettling… So I told the other nurse and then called the house doctor right away, in the same time the attending doctor called and I reported the situation with him giving me more orders.

At that point on, everything went down! We pushed all the new ordered meds and I could tell we will have to code him. So we started the code after the house doctor came, then the attending doctor arrived. I was glad that the next shift of nurses arrived just in time, we all went into action. I have never been “in” a code before, just observed one when I was a nursing student. It happened in a big teaching hospital and everything was there ready for you and you got like ten doctors with twenty nurses around… This time, it was just the two doctors and us four nurses, and we used up all the medicine in the emergency cart so fast that I found myself running down four flights of stairs to ER to get more and came back running those steps! They are real excellent ICU nurses I can tell, they all can run a code on their own I figured!

Now I learned from one of my coworkers that they usually have one to two codes in two weeks, I was expecting it should happen soon since I was there almost a month… but this is quite unexpectedly expectable. I saw that coming on this patient, but I thought am I ready for this? For real?! After tonight, I learn that:

1. I have to get my ACLS soon!!

2. I should pick up jogging again.

3. I got to know where stuff is.

4. Rest when I could so I could be ready for action!

5. This unit is not so bored afterall… with a code.

Serreal

You thought you heard about something like that in conversations, seen it on movie or TV, or read in some kind of recordings… but it came to our ER one day. An obese about five hundred pounds lady presented to the ER with some medical problem, and they found a penny under her right arm pit during physical examination, a hair brush under her left breast, and a remote control in her groin area… The weirdest thing happened was this information was passed along during our lunch… and everybody was having a real good appetite. I was just drinking my water though!

That’s why I like geriatrics

There was a little thing happened in my patients which made me laughed, even though it’s a small thing it reminded me why older adults are so funny.
One of my patients down in the ICU wanted to call her sister, so I offered to help and ask for the phone number. She tried to remember, and all of a sudden her next-bed neighbor, who came back from surgery and having a lot of pain and getting morphine for pain control, raised her voice saying “288…”. We both looked to her direction, with a curtain in between we were puzzled what’s going on. So we kind of ignored it and my patient started saying “it’s 262, uh let me think…”. And immediately her neighbor once again said “it’s 288…”. At this time, I looked at my patient and we both laughed hysterically! I said “don’t worry about it” and gesturing don’t mind her so she could remember the phone number. She tried real hard to remember and wasn’t very sure but gave me a number anyway. I dialed that number for her and the other end said I got the wrong number. So I told her what I heard, and her neighbor once again, with a more assertive and louder voice, said “I told you it’s 288…”. This time I laughed real hard thinking that these elderly ladies were so cute and confused at times, but my patient was kind of bothered by it and complained she made her unable to concentrate in remembering the number.
In my mind, I thought this lady must be dosed by the morphine pump and responding to whatever came across. And the both of them skinny old ladies in their 70s just talked back at each other over the curtain made me think that they are the most adorable thing on earth! So my patient once again gave me a slightly different number for me to try, and this time her neighbor insisted that the number she gave was correct. This time I wondered, would they by any chance related? So I asked “you know her sister?” And she said, “you are looking for Katherine, right?”, with her eyes half opened and looking at me drowsily. Then I smiled and said, “she Clara, not Katherine.” Until then she, “oh, then, never mind!” and closed her eyes and went to sleep.
This is so funny, even though may not be as funny as it was during the actual occurring, brought myself a bit of joy for the day. I like them old people.

Unemployment

is not something that I’m ashamed of telling others, it’s what they said saddens me: “come on, don’t be so picky now!”, “hey, there are so many jobs out there for nurses now! I never heard of unemployment for nurses before!”, “It must be Jade who’s been so picky about everything!”… It’s been hard for me to apply for jobs somehow lately, and life is even hard in general for me, spiritual and emotion wise. It is almost destine for me to slip into this dark and sad toil after hearing opinions like these, even from my friends. I just wonder I must be a horrible and arrogant human being who doesn’t deserve a bit of sympathy in times like this.

I had an unsettling situation with my employer from the home health agency because I refused to take up more patients, so she in turn cut all my previous patients down to one! No one know about this, and it’s not necessary for anyone to know anyway. Am I pick and choose what I like and dislike? It’s the work ethnics of that place I cannot tolerate, even in the time of needs I would not want to take up more “unfit” cases for them. So what that makes me? I told myself to let go of any dreams and wishes, just be an ordinary American workforce, anyway I had been trying simply just to live… At least for now, so I won’t cry myself to sleep anymore.

I believe in the one truth, somehow sometimes it makes me fragile and sometimes strong. Now it’s the time of being fragile, and I felt like million pieces everywhere ~

The other day…

I planned to sleep in the other day

But they called me back and say:

“You have to come back and work for the day.”

So I dragged my body up from my bed

To get ready for another work day.

The ocupied beds were getting fewer and fewer

Therefore care was getting better and better

In the beginning there were three, then two, and two

Minus one I could almost see!

Finished the mission and going for another one, I thought

Two skinny senior ladies asked me for food to eat

All I had were four pretzels which were not a lot

And a ride home which come into order

They looked amazed with gratitude

Tried to hug and kiss me with however they could

After making sure they will have food

Off we went for the first time I had strangers in my car

Watched them safely home and up the steps

Off I went for another mission before my turn of rest

And I wondered it’s probably the reason why I came

Not to work but serve the needy

Feed the hungry

Quench the thirst

That’s what it is, that’s what it’s been.

Walk on water

The whole day I was trying to either discharge or transfer my patients while I was at the hospital. I got 2 down but wasn’t able to get them all. Census went down drastically throughout the day, but I was still busy running around with little things going on with my patients. The most upsetting part is the fact that some of the doctors withdrew their clinics from the hospital, I considered them the pillers of the place! I couldn’t believe when the director of drug abuse pulled his clinic… And the cardiologist who has a cath lab at the site also bailed out… By God’s grace I did not worry too much about making a living, I think I should be able to survive with 2 jobs… ;b It’s the fact that things change so fast just a matter of days it’s upsetting.

When the disciples encountered the stormy sea and tossed by the waves badly, Jesus went to them. Peter first reacted by asking if he could also walk on water to Jesus, which is quite unexpected. But I think I’m kind of like Peter too, taking up the challenges of life when I have Jesus in my site. I may sink like Peter, but I know that Jesus will help me, and His name would be glorified. And that’s how I can experience the true peace of Christ, only when I’m in the mist of a storm…

Tonight

After talking half a day at the office, I wondered if I could sing for the rehearsal for the Saturday’s praise night… ;( It’s been so busy because all of a sudden my boss decided to move things forward… It’s really stretching me thin doing 3 jobs now, even though I enjoyed all three so far and church’s services! The fact that busy work is still not my top priority drag me behind my list… uh… I think it’s still better than having nothing to do, which is not quite possible for coming months… I guess

The crew

I have the whole crew of security up here on the floor last Monday when I worked, because of one of my patients… He’s a big guy and he was not cooperating. That’s how it is with a psych patient on a medical floor! It was a pretty busy day with him, but thankfully he was transfered in the afternoon. Thankful that the rest of my other patients were not creating too much of a problem, God has been kind to me.

Quality conversation

I was pretty down cast yesterday and hid in the bathroom crying while working in the hospital. My blood-shot eyes betrayed me and most of my coworkers asked me what’s wrong. How can I say? I just felt belittled by people who I really cared about, and started the downward spiral of emotions all of a sudden. One of the doctors working in the hospital asked me what’s going on, and I almost cried in front of him. I’m glad that I held onto myself and did not behave unprofessionally! I know this does not sound right…

A friend came to work later and I told him all about it. I felt much better after expressing myself without hesitation, I felt the freedom of saying anything and everything! So I was comforted by the fact that I have a friend I can talk to and very thankful to God that I still have at least one friend to talk to… almost about anything.