is not something that I’m ashamed of telling others, it’s what they said saddens me: “come on, don’t be so picky now!”, “hey, there are so many jobs out there for nurses now! I never heard of unemployment for nurses before!”, “It must be Jade who’s been so picky about everything!”… It’s been hard for me to apply for jobs somehow lately, and life is even hard in general for me, spiritual and emotion wise. It is almost destine for me to slip into this dark and sad toil after hearing opinions like these, even from my friends. I just wonder I must be a horrible and arrogant human being who doesn’t deserve a bit of sympathy in times like this.
I had an unsettling situation with my employer from the home health agency because I refused to take up more patients, so she in turn cut all my previous patients down to one! No one know about this, and it’s not necessary for anyone to know anyway. Am I pick and choose what I like and dislike? It’s the work ethnics of that place I cannot tolerate, even in the time of needs I would not want to take up more “unfit” cases for them. So what that makes me? I told myself to let go of any dreams and wishes, just be an ordinary American workforce, anyway I had been trying simply just to live… At least for now, so I won’t cry myself to sleep anymore.
I believe in the one truth, somehow sometimes it makes me fragile and sometimes strong. Now it’s the time of being fragile, and I felt like million pieces everywhere ~