YNP recap

It’s a short enough trip to visit the park in full, too bad we didn’t have more company to join us or we could have ventured down south more to cover Bryce Canyon, Zion and even Las Vegas! It’s more like a tiring than a relaxing trip, but we spent more time to talk than we used to. And I just realized I didn’t participate in any group setting activity for more than 2 months at least. Then it dawned on me only true friends still keep in touch with me, and those who aren’t were just “fellowship dudes” … Tells me something about the North American culture of Chinese churches, or just us? I’m thankful that there are still true Christians around, who do care even though I’m not contributing much nowadays.

Grace

Didn’t realize until now that God protected me today. A patient went bizard today, he almost jumped on the doctor and my assistant during examination. I was hooking up another patient coming back from xray on the other side of the examination room while the doctor went to see this patient who I previously triaged. He was stable emotionally and cooperative when I examined him, and I set him up to get ready for the doctor to see him. I was on the other side making sure this low blood pressure patient (60s/30s!! when first came in…) was back on the monitor and all his lines were running, and all of a sudden I heard my assistant saying “stop doing that now!” and the doctor said “@#$%^& Get out of here! #$%^&” a hard hit on the table and a call to the security for immediate assistance… I was puzzled, but felt unusual with nervousness. Once I made sure my patient was ok, I quickly walked over and saw my assistant standing in a corner and the doctor banging his fist on the table very very angry, and no patient in site!

By this time security already arrived and chased down the door, who later came back for the name to put it in record. For a brief moment the two of them were still upset, especially the doctor was out of his style element. I was glad that nobody got hurt and the other patient was safe. I was a little frightened even though I didn’t witnessed the process, I guessed it’s also because everyone was so upset. The doctor did apologize for being mad, which is very unlike any doctor because most of them do not apologize period. I told him I was glad that you guys didn’t get hurt, and that’s what matter! Later he told me that it’s God’s grace that I work there, that’s why he called me Grace. He was calling me that earlier today, and I didn’t know why and said that he worked too hard. Now I think it’s His grace that we’re safe, from harm’s way. He watches over me, protects me even without me realizing it.

Roses

There are roses in our garden, and this kind of weather promotes their growth tremendously! I remembered my mom loved roses and planted almost a hundred of them around our house front and back some years ago. They are supposed to grow every year when spring comes, and we have roses surrounding our garden especially in spring. Sadly, a lot of them died after a brutal winter, the roots did not survive. Right now we just kept two of them, which survived the ordeal. I remembered we used to have this hybrid tea rose which was purple in color, which gave out such strong aroma that I kept the patels in my room even after the roses withered. However, it did survive and we never planted a similar one after that. Because of that, I like the scent of roses.

Every now and then, my mom would pick the pretty roses and put them up in my room. I have plenty of roses now blooming beautifully on top of my closets, and they last quite a while! This is nice.

After code

Returned a phone call from my friend when it all happened we were reviving my patient. So I talked about what was happening and that my patient was having high blood pressure and with a history of drug abuse. The one question that I got was immediately: Is he black? I answered yes, and said what’s that has anything to do with whatever happened? I don’t understand why we all have the tendency to live in the tiny box our roots and cultures put us in? Is it safer? Nicer? Better? because it is the way how things always are? Just happened to read a book saying comtempt would be the number one tell tell sign of couples going to get divorce. What makes us think that we are better or worse than others? Worthy of being respected more or less than others? Who tells us how much or what we worth? I’m glad the one who created heaven and earth thinks of us the most precious of all, equally, regardless of where we are at what time of history…

I know who holds the future

A different translation of the long sung hymn, and a different composition by Children of God, became an inspiration in my life today.

我不知明日將如何

每時刻安然渡過

我不求明天的陽光

因明天或轉陰暗

我不為將來而憂慮

因我知主所應許

今天我必與主同行

祂深知前途光景

有許多事明天將臨到

許多事難以明暸

但我知主掌管明天

祂必要領我向前

Just like that

How fragile, and insignificant life is?! This man lost his life simply by wiping windows. Just one slip, and that’s it. I used to live on the thirty-second floor in HK and wiped those windows many times, how come that had never happened to me? There is a time for everything, must be.

Amputee

I wondered what motivates a person to live even without limbs, especially when she used to be a modal before the illness attack. People like Nick who was born without limbs, may feel no difference from the moment he came to his senses till he realized he stood out from the crowd. How about a super modal at the height of her career struck by some rare disease, and she has to be amputated both arms and legs in order to save her life? At the age of 20?? What would be the motivation for someone to live at this point? I’m inspired everyday by stories like this.

May be I can live till 100…

If I’m like my patient, tough and determined! She is a hundred-year-old lady who came to the hospital with some weakness. She was quite “pissed” when I met her the first day saying that you people are not treating me the right way just because I’m a hundred! I was kind of caught off-guarded since I did nothing disrespectful to her, actually I considered myself being really patience and kind… I was sort of scared off by her first impression but gradually understood her determination not to be looked down or treated differently just because she’s a hundred years old. Her feisty little temperment probably also coming from the fact that she is hard of hearing, I have to almost scream to get her hear what I said and I am not good at it. After getting to know her family, I saw such family ties webbed tightly between them, how wonderful is their love and care for each other. I think it’s ok to live a hundred if I could be like her…

New job becomes old job…

Should I look for a new job to make my new one old? This place has been working out for me till lately. They wanted me to work more weekends now, which I am very reluctant to due to church activities. Some of the nurses’ assistants are not helpful to me sometimes since I’m new here. The hospital’s central supply is always out of stock! The wound VAC I ordered for one of my patient a week ago just came… who already discharged to nursing home couple days ago! At least I have it now, then it will be available when I need one. Gradually I feel like this is such a crappy place, over-working employees with minimal benefits and cutting us short. If I go find a new job, where and what should I be looking for? I have a strong sense of leaving this state.

Life sucks from time to time, but that’s not why I do not want to live a long life. I never wanted to live too long because of the human suffering and finding no one I can love without reservation on earth. I tried but this is much harder than I thought, maybe we human beings are rebellious in nature. God’s will has been clear to me and He reaffirmed again and again, things still do not seem promising to me. I’m weak and worrisome, I don’t know how long I can last.